Your Pastor has a secret life. Are you watching him behind the veil of the pulpit – seeing the heart of the man?

I’m married to the Pastor, and I’ve watched him.

What I’ve Seen

August of 2003, a smoldering hot and windy day in San Angelo, TX: The family was all in town, the kids were antsy with excitement. Today the Pastor would walk the stage with his undergrad. It was a hard-fought degree through financial hardships, early years of marriage, two children and one on the way, and multiple jobs just to make ends meet; but here we were!

This August day we had infinitely more than graduation on our minds. This day was a marker. The calling of God put in the Pastor’s heart at the age of 17 would, tomorrow morning, become a reality. He would Pastor a church in Alpine, Texas.  

I’ve been married to the Pastor for over 25 years now. I’ve watched a transformation in him since that day.  

I’ve watched a transformation from that young, eager, and sincere Pastor who marched behind his first pulpit, ready to see the world changed by his preaching, to a more sincere, more humble man who knows that Christ alone revives the hearts of men.

I’ve watched him struggle through five years of pulpit ministry prior to Seminary. Fearful every Sunday that he might not rightly divide the word of God. Those years brought a deep dependence upon Christ. It was in those years that God revealed to the Pastor that He would send rain when and where he would send it. And that drought would come as He allowed.

I’ve watched as the Pastor felt the call of God to step away from that first little church he dearly loved and walk into the classrooms of seminary, eager to learn but desperate to provide for his family at the same time.

I’ve watched as the Pastor walked through dark days of his father abandoning his mother after 27 years of marriage, hurting and broken by what seemed to be an undoing of all that he’d known. This brokenness gave him a deeper burden for men in the church to truly become men of God.

I’ve watched the Pastor walk into a congregation that had been steeped in sin for decades. By the fear of God, he faced this sin as he walked the congregation through the biblical confrontation meant to bring one back to Christ. I watched him encumbered by the weight of spiritual responsibility, feeling the Lord’s hand in his back, but realizing the congregation wouldn’t follow him to a place of repentance. That church didn’t turn around, the doors were shut for good. That took a toll on the Pastor and his family.

I’ve watched the Pastor’s heart break as he walked through issues of sin and struggle in the life of his children, crying out to the Spirit to intercede where he could not. He always knew that our children, like all children, would face issues of sin and struggle. But the burden seemed somehow heavier knowing that our kids would have the added pressure of being the Pastor’s kids, in the fishbowl, while they walked in repentance and ran towards victory. It was devastating to watch the enemy take great pleasure in rallying church people to exploit a lack of perfection in the life of a PK. Our kids watched their father stand firm on the call of God in our lives. They saw a man who refused to run from trial but pressed in with a discipline of praise to the God who would see us through…even this.

I’ve watched him lovingly pastor our family and shepherd the people of God even as he grappled through his own times of fear, doubt, disillusionment, discouragement, betrayal, isolation, and sense of failure. I watched him faithfully craft a sermon in the midst of great apprehension. Week after week, whether in times of peace or times of chaos, whether in days of victory or nights of loss, he pled with the Lord to speak to his people.

I’ve watched the Pastor grow a deeper love for image-bearers, all people, as the Lord gave us the gift of pastoring in a small town with wide ethnic diversity. The Lord had never given us the blessing of living among such beautiful diversity before. I watched the Pastor lead our family right past the worldly barriers between black and white. He led us to know, understand better, and love more fully the people of God’s creation. I still watch the Pastor’s eyes light up as we speak of those few years in that precious town.

I’ve watched the Pastor as he’s loved me, his wife, fiercely and sacrificially. He’s cherished me and built in me a confidence to handle God’s word; a reverence to handle it with fear and trembling, and to employ the giftings and talents that God has given me. He’s made me feel that I’m unmatched among women to be his helper for ministry, for parenting, for love, and for life!

I’ve watched the Pastor discipline, educate, coach, and train his three, now young adult, children. He speaks life and love over them. He’s their friend and confidant. He’s been invited in and fought their battles side by side. At times, by the leading of the Spirit, the Pastor has shown up uninvited to rescue from a battle they couldn’t win alone!

I’ve watched the Pastor cry out for lost souls to be found and beseeched God for his power in the Church. I’ve watched him, a self-proclaimed non-crier, cry aloud as he pleads with God to send revival.

I’ve watched him and I love him. He is my Pastor, my husband, my closest, and at times, my only friend.

Pray For Your Pastor

If you have a pastor I pray that you’ll begin to look behind the veil of the pulpit and into the heart of the  man. This man is made of all the same things that every man is made of. When he is betrayed, abandoned, or maligned, he feels the same things that every man feels. When his family is in crisis, he experiences the same burden and weight of responsibility that every good man would bear. And if this pastor loves the Lord and his church no matter the hurt, no matter the isolation, he will continue to go before the throne each week and seek Christ’s guidance to open his word and lead his people to life.